To the Stars.....and Right Back Down Again
by Candy and Bells
Summary: It was all Sirius' fault. His fault that they were stuck on a spaceship, his fault they had no idea how to get home. And his fault that the zero gravity atmosphere was wrecking her hair. (A MWPP/L Version of Galaxy Quest)
1. Part I: The Bad Beginning

**Prologue: Introduction By Melina Sorino **

It was the stupidest plan imaginable. I'm going to kill Remus. We were _forced_ to do it. I want it to go on the record, once and for all, that I was, and always will be, against this moronic plan. 

It was entirely Sirius's idea. I don't know _what_ I see in him. It was originally supposed to be a plan to get back at Snape. Snape, yeah. How many plans have they originally devised with _that_ motive in mind? I guess it sounded okay to begin with (in our demented state of mind). But I forgot one key fact: It was Sirius's plan, and that spells disaster. 

_-Melina Sorino _

**_Part I: The Bad Beginning _**

Chapter One: To Catch A Spy 

"Okay, okay. Explain to me again exactly_ why_ were doing this," Lily asked in exasperation. Melina ignored her, peering out into the school grounds from between two bushes and pushing dark blonde hair out of her gray eyes. Of course Melina would ignore her, she'd been doing it for the past six years that they had been best friends. 

"Shhh. Here they come," Melina whispered. Lily sighed. Once Melina made up her mind about something, there was no turning back. Lily averted her eyes from the single flower was staring at in concentration to the gap of sky between the two bushes. She could faintly make out the whomping willow and in the distance, she discerned the gamekeeper's hut. 

Abruptly the tree froze, as though carved from marble. Lily gasped as four figures appeared from nowhere, and disappeared into the roots of the great tree. "How did you know about this anyway?" she asked Melina, still gazing spellbound at the motionless tree. 

"I am the all-powerful Oz. I know all. I see all," She grinned. "No, actually I found their "next month's adventure" plans. They really shouldn't be leaving spare pieces of parchment lying around the common room. You'd think they could at least pick up after themselves once in a while," She laughed quietly. 

An hour passed, and Lily's knees began to cramp from kneeling. "Melina, do we _have_ to stay out here? My knees hurt," She complained. 

"So stand up," Melina answered, and returned her attention to the Whomping Willow. "Wonder what they're doing down there..." she muttered. 

"We could ask you that same question, you know," Came a voice from behind. Lily inwardly groaned. _Perfect, Melina. Now you've got us caught. This is just perfect._

Aloud she said, "Oh, nice night out, huh Remus? Peter?" she smiled at the two boys brightly, crossing her fingers in the pocket of her robes and praying to God that this was just some bizarre dream. 

There was a sudden rustling in the bushes nearby. For a second, the clouds cleared and the half moon shone brightly over the grounds. It was only for a second, but that's all it took for Melina to see what Lily couldn't: Their ticket to permanent detention. 

Chapter Two: And Since When Do _I_ Care? 

"Lily, run!" Melina hissed, grabbing Lily's wrist and pulling her in the opposite direction toward the castle. Lily never realized how fast she could run until that moment. It wasn't until they were well inside the entrance hall that they slowed to a mild trot. 

"What...was...that...all...about?" Lily panted. Melina cut her off with a quick shake of the head, and made her way up to Gryffindor Tower, Lily in tow. 

Ten minutes later, now safely up in the common room; Melina sank down into a chair. "Are you going to explain anything now, or are you just going to sit there?" Lily asked, mildly annoyed. "Like why we were out there in the first place, maybe? Or like _why_ we were sprinting across the grounds to get away from some of our best friends? I mean, _come on_, they're not going to give us _that _much grief," 

Melina glared. "I don't consider Severus Snape one of our best friends," She snapped. 

"_What_?!?! _Snape_ is out there? And you didn't even bother to warn Remus and Peter?" Lily exploded. Melina sighed the sigh she always did when she thought Lily had just said something terribly naive. 

"Well why should I? It's their own fault they want to go roaming the grounds at night, trying to get themselves expelled two weeks before Graduation," 

"But _we_ were out on the grounds spying on them," Lily reminded her. Melina groaned. 

"Lily, we were spying on James and Sirius. What do you think Remus and Peter are going to tell them about _that_?" Lily glanced around the room nervously, beginning to see the problem. "Good point. Oh boy, this is not good. Not good at all. How are you at memory charms, just out of curiosity?" 

Melina sighed again. "Not good enough. I'm afraid that's your department," She glanced down at her watch. "It's after three. We better head up to bed," She pushed herself out of the chair and headed toward the stairs. 

"But, what about the boys?" Lily asked, perplexed at Melina's positive attitude. 

"What about the boys?" Melina demanded. "They got caught. We didn't end of story. Now come on, let's go to bed," 

**Chapter Three: A Bit of Morning Blackmail **

It wasn't until the next morning that the sad, sad truth was confirmed. Lily was mid-way through her blueberry muffin at breakfast, when she and Melina saw Remus and Peter approaching, looking grim. 

They stopped about five feet away from them, and glared. "Well, you girls will be happy to know that we have detention for the next two weeks. They would've given it to us for the rest of eternity, but we're graduating in two weeks so they can't," 

Melina, always the optimist, gave them a false smile. "Well, look on the bright side! You didn't get expelled!" Remus narrowed his eyes, and for the first time, Melina felt slightly scared of him. "Oh, and we got fifty points taken. _Each_. And it doesn't help that James and Sirius got caught too," 

"What?!?! That's two-hundred points!" Melina was scandalized. 

"Hail Melina! You've finally learned how to add!" Remus cheered sarcastically. Melina frowned. 

"Okay, I didn't ask for your personal opinion, Remus," 

"Fifty points? Good thing we didn't get caught too, Melina," Lily said thoughtfully. Remus looked, if possible, even angrier. "Oh, so suddenly you care immensely if Gryffindor wins the house cup, huh?" he asked. 

"Well, I guess not getting detention for two weeks was a plus," Melina added with a grin. 

"You could've _warned_ us!" Peter burst out. 

"And what, have you taunt us about it for the rest of our natural lives? I don't _think_ so!" Melina retorted. 

"Who says we're not going to do that anyway? We're not _complete_ morons, we know what you were doing out there," Remus interjected. 

"Told you," Lily whispered from somewhere behind Melina. 

"Shove it, Lily," 

"Oh, yeah, well what are you going to do about it? You can't prove anything. And besides, like McGonnagal's gonna listen to you after the stunt you pulled last night!" Melina snapped at Remus. 

"Oh, McGonnagal might not, but we know two people who be very interested to know about it," Remus grinned mischievously. Lily groaned. 

"You wouldn't dare," she said aloud. "What makes you so sure about that?" Remus taunted. He was up to something, and knowing Remus, it was nothing good. 

"Oh, Shut up!" Melina said, temper rising. 

"Oh, we just might. For a price," He added. 

"_What_ do you want?" Lily asked, rolling her eyes. 

"Sirius has some idiotic plan that I don't even see working, myself, but it'll be hilarious if he pulls it off. And, we need your help," Melina's jaw dropped. 

"Help? Us? In one of _Sirius's_ plans? I think you've fallen off you're broom one too many times in Broom Flying class, Remus!" 

Remus shrugged. "Okay then, if you two don't want to help... _Oh Sirius! James!_" Melina and Lily both groaned. 

"Okay, okay, we'll do it. Just _shut up_!" Melina said with a sigh. 

"You like them..." Remus teased. 

"Like _them_? Excuse _me_? That's the craziest thing I've ever heard!" Lily tried to sound dignified. 

But what they were about to hear from Sirius, topped even that. 


	2. Part II: From Bad To Worse

**_Part II: From Bad To Worse _**

**Chapter Four: I Can't Believe We're Doing This **

"And this is supposed to work, how?" Lily asked to no one in particular. James grinned at her. 

"Lily, this isn't supposed to work. It's Sirius's plan. You do the math. We're trying to draw attention to the unjust justice system at Hogwarts," Lily rolled her eyes and James's grin boarded. "And possibly make Snape wish he was never born," He added. 

"Okay, and explain to me how pretending to be ministry officials at some conference in Hogsmead of the greatest wizards in the world, order of Merlin first class might I add, helps us to do that," Lily was skeptical. 

"Well, we have a theory," 

"No! Not another theory!" Lily moaned. 

James ignored her. "We think that Snape cheated on his N.E.W.T.'s. And while we're here, we're casually going to ask to see the test scores, then reveal that he cheated," 

"Oh boy," Lily moaned, hanging her head. 

"But look around! This is so cool! It's the chance of a lifetime! Here, drink you're Polyjuice potion," He handed her a bottle. "Don't worry, I didn't do anything to it. Though it was very tempting," 

Lily shook her head. "Sometimes I worry about you're sanity, James," She paused, and tried to look thoughtful. "And then I think to myself, if God wanted to make you insane, it worked," 

"Ha, ha," James said sarcastically, and paused, the Polyjuice potion already starting to take effect. 

"And we've got how long, to pull this off? Remind me," Remus interrupted. 

"Okay, okay. So this isn't the best-prepared prank we've ever played. Big deal," James tried to sound on top of things, failing terribly. 

"Anyway, this is Sirius's bird-brain plan. We are merely his accomplices," 

"I know, and that's what scares me. Somehow I keep wondering if they throw people in Azkaban for impersonating the greatest wizards in the world to try to get back and deranged Slytherins," Melina said, stepping out from behind a curtain. Once she had fully immerged, Lily stared at the frail old witch who just happened to be her best friend. 

"Where is Sirius anyway, I thought this was his idea," The old witch/ Melina frowned. 

Remus shrugged. "Don't know. Haven't seen him for about twenty minutes," 

"Don't worry you two, he didn't chicken out. If it's his plan, he's going to go through with it. No matter how much trouble he gets in," James assured the two girls, both of who were looking skeptical. "Or else he'll have to deal with me," James pointed himself. 

They sulked around Hogsmead for the next hour, practicing surveillance, and just trying to figure out how the heck they were going to pull this off. Melina was also secretly looking for Sirius, though she seriously doubted that she would be telling that to the others. 

James checked his watch. "Okay, gang. We better head back to the meeting place. It's almost time for us to take the potion again," Without a sound, they walked back, each of them silently cursing Sirius for making them do this, and wondering where the hell he was. 

James paused to stick a few Knuts into a chocolate frog machine. Lily watched as he grew steadily taller and he was beginning to grow hair in every which way again. Melina had already fully transformed back into her old self. Remus looked around himself in disgust. "God, we've been looking around for an hour and we still haven't found Sirius. You'd think he'd at least help out with his own practical joke," He muttered. 

"Wonder where he is," Peter said thoughtfully. 

"Um guys," Lily began, staring at the ground where a bright circle of light had formed around each of them. Then, quite suddenly, their feet weren't exactly on the ground anymore. In fact, they were speeding through the air. Lily screamed. Melina felt as thought 'AHHHHHHHH!' pretty much summed up the situation. Remus agreed. 

James turned around. "Anyone got a few more Knuts...um...guys? Where are you?" 

*** 

When they finally slowed to a stop, everyone was standing and shaking. Lily gazed around the room with metal walls, and gasped. Turning to her left, she said. "Melina, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," 

Chapter Five: Sirius Has No Clue Where He Is 

Sirius wasn't exactly sure where he was, but he knew he knew where he wasn't. Looking around the room, he said that no one was around. Abruptly, a woman with short black hair and wearing a silver uniform like they wore on Star Trek appeared. Not that they got Star Trek at home. Lily and Melina had shown him one time for laughs. 

"Excuse me, sir. You're assistance is requested immediately on the Command Deck," She said with a shy smile. Sirius felt his jaw drop. 

"Excuse me?" he asked. 

"You're presence is immediately requested on the Command Deck, sir. Please follow me," Sirius gaped at her, but got to his feet, and followed feeling as though this was definitely not what was supposed to be happening here. 

Chapter Six: "Okay, Then. Anyone Else?" 

Lily, Melina, Remus, and Peter stood frozen where they were, shaking and gasping for breath. Suddenly, one of the huge metal doors began to lift up and three creatures that looked somewhat like mutant octopi in all the colors of the rainbow started coming toward them. Lily would've given Melina a sidelong glance and then run for her life if she could, but she couldn't move. 

The giant octopi approached slowly and started prodding them with all sorts of horrible looking metal objects. Lily was staring in horror and trying to breath normally, but she was shaking so hard it was impossible. 

Then hastily, the octopi retreated, and in a matter of seconds transformed into humans. "We're sorry, we forgot our appearance generators," One of the two men explained. 

"Hey, guys, how was the trip?" Sirius said cheerfully, entering the room, dressed in the same manner as the aliens, a Star Trek uniform. No one moved or spoke. Suddenly, another person appeared the room. 

James stepped out of the traveling-pod circle, and walked over to where Sirius was. "That was a hell of a ride," He grinned, then turned back to look at the four of them. "What's wrong with them?" he asked, puzzled. Sirius shrugged. 

"Okay! Who wants a grand tour of the space ship? He asked brightly. 

Lily gulped. "A space ship? Oh, me... oh, my...ahhhhhh..." she fell backward in a dead faint and hit the floor with a thud. Sirius seemed utterly undisturbed. "Okay then, anyone else? I just need to tell them how many stretchers to bring up here," He told them with a grin. 

Melina gulped. "Are we really on a space ship?" she asked, voice shaking. 

"No," Sirius answered. "This is a space port for the ship. Would you like to see the ship?" Melina shook her head as thought doubting Sirius's sanity, which in fact, she was, and knelt down to try to revive Lily. 

"Um, Sirius, could you just explain why we're here?" Remus asked. 

"Well, they sort of made a slight mistake..." Sirius said, smile fading. 

"How slight of a mistake?" Melina asked, looking up at him. 

"Well, they sort of think that we are... er... Dumbledore and Company," He smiled an innocent, happy smile. 

Melina rolled her eyes. "I have one thing to say: And here it is: AHHHHHHHH!!!!!" she shouted. 

Once Lily had regained consciousness, Sirius took them down the hall to see the actual space ship. Or what supposedly was a spaceship. Melina still didn't quite believe they were actually in space. I mean, c'mon, space? She thought to herself. Couldn't Sirius just be playing some elaborate joke on us? 

Five seconds later, she decided against it. 

Because five seconds later, she was staring out into space, and wondering how the heck she had gotten mixed up in this mess. 

Chapter Seven: Maybe We're Not The Right People For This Job... 

"Okay, time to get down to business," Sirius said brightly as they all stepped onto the Command Deck of the space ship. "Let's see here... Lily, you're driving. Remus, you and Peter watch the radar to make sure we're not being attacked. James, you're doing the technical stuff. Melina, you're translator. The computer is only going to listen to you, so you've got to talk to it for us," he explained. The rest of them gaped, and in unison burst out in protest. 

"My job is to repeat the stupid computer?!" Melina objected. 

"Sirius, what the heck do you mean I'm doing all the "technical stuff"?!?!" James gaped at his best friend. 

"And I'm driving? Excuse me? I can't ride a broom, much less drive a space ship!" Lily informed him. 

Sirius ignored them all. "Lily, shut up and take out the stupid ship," Sirius ordered. Lily glared, but sat down. 

"And now what am I supposed to do?" she demanded. 

"Lily... shut up and drive the stupid ship!!!!" 

Lily shrugged, and turned to the controls, as if looking for one that said 'Driving Space Ship 101'. Finally she located the 'On' button and pressed it. "Um, Sirius, just out of curiosity. WHAT THE HECK AM I DOING TRYING TO DRIVE A SPACE SHIP?!?!" Lily shouted at him. 

"Yeah, you seem to have handily forgotten that part," Melina said. 

"It's okay, guys. The Thermions, that's what they're called, they're from the planet 'Thermia', are having some trouble with this evil guy named Saris. They need help because he's trying to take over their planet, and now there are only a few thousand of them left," Sirius explained, shrugging as if it was no problem at all. The others, however, thought it was a very big problem indeed. 

"And where do we come into all of this sheer lunacy?" Remus asked, unsure of why he was listening to Sirius anyway. He knew what had happened. He'd been saying it for years: Sirius was mentally unstable. Well, now he had finally lost his mind, that is, if he ever had had a mind, and if that wasn't enough, he seemed determined to drag his friends over the edge with him. Kicking and screaming all the way down. 

"Lily, stop this stupid ship and let him explain," Melina demanded. 

"No need," Sirius said brightly. "Just get out into open space and then you shouldn't have too much trouble," He grinned. Lily shook her head. 

"Whatever you say, Captain Idiot," 

"Wait, wait, wait, wait! We're trying to fight this guy, Saris? Are you NUTS?!?!" Peter demanded. 

"Peter, we've known the answer to that question for years," Remus called over to him. 

The ship started to move slowly forward, but then started to turn slightly. "Lily, you've got to move to the right. A little more to the right..." Peter suggested, walked over to where Lily was and jerking his head in the correct direction. 

"Will you just sit your ass down?" Lily demanded. Peter shrugged and stepped back. 

Then slowly, the ship made contact with the wall of the spaceport, scraping along and making a terrible screeching noise. Then, finally silence as they glided out into open space. 

"See? It wasn't so hard, Lily," Sirius grinned. Lily turned to glare at him. 

"Sirius, if it wasn't for everybody else on this ship, I would crash it into the nearest planet," Lily told him. 

"She would probably crash into the planet by mistake anyway," He muttered under his breath. 

"Remus, get a map for me!" 


End file.
